My secret desire...

I've often fancied myself a bit of a drag queen. In fact, when I was a little girl, I really, really, really wanted to be a drag queen before I found out non-male people can't really sign up for the hallowed occupation. So, I immediately settled for the future title of club kid, because I was always watching the pretty, candy-colored people on talk shows.

And, even though I often marvel at my own beautiful body, every once in a while I wonder if I wasn't supposed to be a gay male. I've even been told by gay friends that the only thing I'm missing is a small but very necessary appendage.

So, really, what can I do? While I can change my appearance, I'm never going to make it as a gay man. It's biologically impossible, and I'm not willing to give up my girl card.

The answer?

Augusten Burroughs.



I vicariously live the life of a gay man through his books.

Burroughs is the best-selling author of Running with Scissors (a movie was based on it), Sellevision, Dry, Magical Thinking, and Possible Side Effects. I just finished Possible Side Effects today. Just like his other memoirs, I felt giddy the entire time I was reading it.

Okay, I don't really care about his crazy mother. Or, his brother and father. Or, even his grandmothers. I read his books, because he is (to me) a literary genius who manages to put all of his faults down on the page. I can relate to just about everything he says. I've lived in squalor. I have an addictive personality, even though I tend to eat instead of drink or spend hundreds of dollars on Nicorette gum.

Burroughs can be shallow, selfish, and judgmental, just like me. And, he writes about it all without apologies.

Someday, I'd like to have either enough strength or enough self-absorption to put myself out there like he does.